Let’s be honest—have you ever looked around and thought, “How is everyone else moving on so easily?” Your ex is out there, living their best life on what looks like a cloud of gold dust, while you’re here, knee-deep in what feels like an endless pile of… well, you know....💩💩💩.
All your friends seem to be floating through life—new jobs, new relationships, weekend getaways, financial security—and you’re just trying to get through the day without feeling like you’re stuck in the same old loop.
If this sounds familiar, let me reassure you: you’re not broken, you’re not failing, and you’re definitely not alone. This isn’t some fault in you—it’s just your brain’s way of looping back to what it knows, even if what it knows is the absolute last place you want to be.
But here’s the good news: you can change this. With a few intentional steps, you can start feeling lighter, breaking free from those patterns, and maybe even finding a bit of your own gold dust along the way.
Let’s dive into what’s really going on and, more importantly, how we can start moving you forward.
Why Does Your Brain Keep Dragging You Back?
Right, let’s talk about these annoying little “default settings or patterns” your brain keeps pulling you back to. You’re doing your best to move forward, maybe even having a decent day, and then—wham—you’re hit with this sudden wave of frustration, doubt, or sadness. It’s like being pulled right back to square one, right when you thought you were making progress.
Here’s what’s going on: your brain has developed these emotional and mental patterns, and they’re wired into your mind because of how intense your experiences have been.
It’s not you being “stuck”; it’s your brain taking the path it knows as its safe and familiar, even if that path is the last place you want to be. But don’t worry—just because your mind defaults to these patterns doesn’t mean you’re destined to live in them. You can rewrite these mental loops.
Patterns That Keep You Stuck (and Feeling Like You’ll Never Get Out)
Now, let’s look at some of the most common patterns I see with women going through divorce. Any of these sound familiar?
Reliving the Pain on Repeat Ever find yourself replaying past memories, hoping that maybe, if you look at it from every possible angle, you’ll finally “fix” it? It’s your brain trying to make sense of the past, but all it really does is keep you locked in the pain. Reliving these moments just reinforces the emotional weight, leaving you feeling even more exhausted.
The Never-Ending Loop of Self-Doubt You know those moments when you start questioning everything? “Was it all my fault?” “What if I’m the problem?” Your brain loves to play this game, even though it’s anything but helpful. This loop keeps you second-guessing every decision, making it nearly impossible to feel any real sense of confidence.
Fear of What Comes Next Here’s the kicker: you want to feel better, but taking that first step into the unknown can feel absolutely terrifying. What if moving on leads to more pain? So, instead, you stay in what you know. But staying in the past only keeps you grounded in what you’re trying to leave behind.
Seeking Validation from Others Maybe it’s family, friends, or even complete strangers whose opinions seem to get under your skin. You end up adjusting your choices based on what they think you should be doing, which means you’re never really doing what’s best for you. And if you’re constantly seeking approval, it’s no wonder you feel stuck.
If any of these hit a little too close to home, don’t worry. They’re simply patterns your brain developed in response to your experiences. But here’s the best part: we can totally rewrite them.
How to Start Breaking Free (and Feeling Like Yourself Again)
Alright, now for the good stuff. Here’s where we start shaking things up, breaking free from those patterns and getting you out of that rut.
Identify Your Triggers First things first—what’s setting you off? Is it when you’re alone, when you see something that reminds you of the past, or when someone says something insensitive? Figuring out what pulls you into those emotional spirals is like finding the “on” switch. Once you know what it is, you can make a conscious choice to respond differently.
Talk to Yourself Like a Friend Seriously, when was the last time you were kind to yourself? This isn’t about being all “rah-rah self-love” (unless you’re into that), but more about giving yourself a break. When you’re in that loop of self-doubt or sadness, imagine what you’d say to a friend who was feeling the same way. Then say it to yourself. Every bit of kindness rewires your mind to feel supported instead of judged.
Create New Thought Pathways When you catch yourself going down the usual route of negative thoughts, gently steer your mind in a different direction. It might be something simple, like reminding yourself, “I am allowed to feel good” or “I am stronger than I realize.” These small shifts add up, helping you create new, more empowering pathways in your brain.
Picture the Future You Want Close your eyes and picture a future where you feel genuinely good. You’re waking up with a light heart, moving through your day with a smile, feeling excited about the future. Visualizing this helps your brain start to believe it’s possible, making it easier for you to take steps in that direction. Give it a try—even just a few minutes a day can make a difference.
Get the Right Support Let’s be real: it’s hard to do this all on your own. That’s where I come in. In my Dazzle After Divorce program, we go deep to break these patterns for good, helping you rewire your mind for a future that genuinely feels right. You’ll have the tools, the support, and the accountability to make real change, without feeling like you’re wandering through the dark.
Imagine Waking Up Without That Heavy Feeling
Picture this: waking up without that constant weight hanging over you. Moving through your day without spiraling back into the past. Actually looking forward to things without that nagging voice pulling you down. It’s not just possible—it’s totally achievable when you start to break free from these patterns.
This journey isn’t about forcing yourself to “let go” or pretending to be fine. It’s about actually rewiring your mind, so you naturally feel lighter, more hopeful, and in control of your happiness. It’s about creating a life where you’re genuinely excited for what’s next.
Ready to Finally Break Free? Join ⚡Dazzle After Divorce⚡
If you’re tired of the same old patterns, tired of feeling like you’re stuck in place while everyone else is moving forward, I’m here for you. In Dazzle After Divorce, we’ll work together to release what’s holding you back and start building the life you deserve—one that feels authentic, empowering, and totally yours.
Book a FREE call with me here to chat about how Dazzle After Divorce can help you break out of the loop, step into the life you want, and finally start feeling better. You’re ready for this next chapter, and I’d love to guide you there.
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